i dont think that was a good sound....

i have those stupid whitening strips on my teeth. i cant close my mouth, i'm drooling uncontrollably, and my tonge is numb from peroxide. goddamn my mouth is so freaking foamy, all because i've started drinking coffee again and i cant stand my teeth being yellow.

garh!

I live in Texas so I won’t be cold and wet. I have been cold and wet and alone on 5 occasions this year. the first was sometime in January, I was walking to Walgreen’s to get a gallon of water (my old apartment's water was constantly being shut off, so periodically would go off and buy a gallon of water a day the week leading up to the shut-off) and as I was crossing 45th street it started pouring. I waited for the rain to let up for about an hour. It never did. I walked out the door of the Walgreen’s to find the weather had dropped about 30 degrees, and it was still pouring. February, I was walking to my car from the Alamo draft house downtown, on a chilly night, and it started pouring again. something similar happened in march, and then, as I was walking home from getting a pretty drippy sandwich- covered in mayo (if I have to say I hate something, it's mayo. it makes me gag a little when I accidentally ingest some.) and as I got a bloc away from all the stores on north loop, it started pouring. Not only did I have to walk home in the rain, and ended up completely soaked to the bone, I found mayonnaise dripping off my sandwich- wet, cold, alone, and hungry. And today, taking out the trash, I would up cold and wet, and with a flip flop eaten by mud.



I could be john cusack at this rate.

Q: why does my stomach hurt?

Q: why do i want to eat spicy foods?

Q: why cant i find my maaylox?

Q: why must i have more questions than answers?








A: because you didnt wake up until one in the after noon, didnt eat breakfast till three, had coffee and a cigarette for lunch, thai iced tea and another cigarette for dinner, and now your eating coconut soup with tofu that's pro'lly gone bad by now, and mushrooms that are at least 4 weeks old.


A: because you got a flu shot on friday, you feel kinda under the weather, and your craving vitamin C.


A: it's in the medicine cabinet, and not by the bed.


A: only because you cant count, and are feeling really lazy.

holy crap, it's 6 am, and i'm awake cos i cant breathe, and it's too late at night for me to take any benadryl. so now i'm just going to stay up, and go have a drunk with my night shift co-workers at 730 am. i'll pro'lly go get my flu shot after that, stop by HEB, then go home and take a nap- but only if i regain the ability to breathe.

i hate allergies soo much. but i'd rather have allergies than worry about things like tornados, hurricanes, and earthquakes. wait, i take that back. growing up i did worry about hurricanes. mostly cos i was the 11 year old swimming in pratice with eight through 6 year olds, was still the slowest kid in pratice, and then, during meets, i had to try and swim with kids my own age. it was bad. i remember one time, a parent came in to the pool and told me to stop because they had to go with the next heat, and well, i'd allready been disqualified because i touched bottom when i dove in. nothing like being told you efforts were for naught since the get- go and well, you keeping other people from suceeding my trying still.

and people wonder why i cant ever be proud of myself......

i'm the only person i know from here. everyone else moved here by force or by choice. it's hard for me to feel justified in saying that i'm happy here and not feel like a hypocrite. it makes me feel small minded to talk about how great it is here, how the people are nice, that the town is easy- of course the town is easy, it's all i know. i need a challenge, i need a change, i need to go somewhere where i dont know anyone. it's high time to cut the cord.

the main problem i have with getting up is balls. i know i have them, but i can come up with soo many excuses as to why i cant- i cant afford to, how would i find a job in a new town,i've got too many close friends here, that i'd end up on the internet all day talking to people i miss from here rather than getting out and meeting new folks. i think i'm going to use school as an excuse, start and finish up undergrad stuff here, then look for grad/ masters stuff out- of state. the only other excues i could think of would be to move for/ with a significant other, but that's not happening any time soon.